I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
