Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
