She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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