I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
