I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
