So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
