I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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