Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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