Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
