i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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