Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize