Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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