he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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