It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
