I cockslap morals
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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