he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
