you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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