You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
