I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I am mentally ready for anal.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
