I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
