I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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