chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
