It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize