I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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