capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
