it hurts more in the daytime
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
