This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
