He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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