If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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