id be glad to
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I have post one night stand depression
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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