i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
