chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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