Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize