I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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