____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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