and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
