i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
4 words: hood of his car
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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