just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
don't judge my taste in strippers
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
