My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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