mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
