it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
