he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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