Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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