I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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