I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
