Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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