Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Vodka?
Forever.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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