Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
