when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
