Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
