he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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