We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
