susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
