Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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