I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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