Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
