he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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