was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
