the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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