remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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