now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
