i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Too much gin, very little bucket
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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