It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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