so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
