We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
