I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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