Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
