matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
