Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
