I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
