if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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