It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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