rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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