foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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