dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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