Nicole vs. Life
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
