2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
