I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
