i wish my penis had a tongue
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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