Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
