i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
