my mouth tastes like poor choices
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
