I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
